Virus warning

Got another virus warning the other day forwarded from a friend. It's been a while since I'd seen one, so I was excited to get it. Here's what it said, in part:

Do not open any message with an attachment entitled 'POSTCARD,' regardless of who sent it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns ' the whole hard disc C of your computer. This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list. This is the reason why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts. It is better to receive this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.

If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even though sent to you by a friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately.

This is the worst virus announced by CNN. It has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital information is kept.

Well that sounds scary -- especially when it's in ALL CAPS and includes multiple exclamation points!!! -- but that's not the half of it. There's a reason why both CNN and Microsoft classified it as "worst" and "most destructive." (And Microsoft knows what constitutes destructive. I'm looking at you, Vista.) Here's what else the virus will do:

>>> It will collect all the URLs from all the Web sites you've been viewing lately and forward to your entire address book so everyone will know what a dork you are for visiting sites like Best Week Ever and The Fug Girls.

>>> It will open your mail and throw away all the important things, including checks.

>>> It will borrow your car and run the gas out.

>>> It will eat all the food in your kitchen and leave two drops of milk in the container in the refrigerator.

>>> It will step on the punchline of your jokes.

>>> It will gossip about you behind your back.

>>> It will get you to help it with a project and then take full credit, possibly getting the promotion you deserved.

>>> It will track mud all over your carpet.

>>> It will drink all the beer in your refrigerator and leave empty cans in the living room.

>>> It will leave its dirty socks lying around the bedroom.

>>> It will leave the toilet seat up.

>>> It will make long-distance calls to foreign countries that it will charge to your phone.

>>> It will locate your old boyfriends (or girlfriends) and send recent unflattering photos of you.
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