Dumb things candidates say

The presidential candidates are on their way to South Carolina, so now's the time to start my new hobby: collecting dumb comments made by the candidates -- although that'll probably prove such a task that I'll have to turn it into a full-time job. (Well, technically, the hobby is making snarky comments about what they said, but let us not split hairs.)

Today's first prize goes to Hillary Clinton for this comment after her win in NH:

"I listened to you, and in the process, I found my own voice."

Wait, had it been missing? Because I've been hearing it for months, usually shrill and pretentious and making very little sense.

The pundits say that her first-place finish is due to more women in NH voting for her than for Obama -- 47% to 34% -- which I guess means that women connect with Hillary getting all emotional. And the assumption that women categorically go for the emotional candidate offends me, although that's an emotional response, so never mind.

For the record, here are more stats: Male voters chose Obama over Hillary 40% to 29%. But more female voters than male voters -- 57% to 43% -- showed up to vote.

Second prize goes to John Edwards with this brilliant configuring of why he's not worried about coming in third -- twice so far:

"About a half of one percent (of all voters in the country) have voted. Ninety-nine-percent-plus have not voted."

I know that impromptu math problems are not easy, but this is not a struggle to do in your head. 100% minus 1/2% is 99-1/2% who have not voted.

Here's a word problem, Mr. Edwards: If a candidate repeatedly does not gain enough votes to place among the top two spots, how many days remain in his campaign before he figures out how to take Train A going 50 miles per hour back home? We'll wait while you get your calculator.